Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec. 21st):|
accidentally gives you someone else's presents
including a 3D Hannah Montana DVD because you just had
to leave him your uncle's "special" brownies.
Capricorn (Dec. 22nd- Jan. 10th):
You were very bad
this year. You will find your stocking stuffed with
comics this year just like you asked. That's only
because old comics by Rob Liefeld go for about 50
cents apiece and in today's economy are far cheaper
and more emotionally damaging than coal.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18):
Your crazy grandmother
who thinks you're six years old will send you pink
bunny pajamas. Yes, you'll have to wear them.
Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20):
Your life really sucks
right now. You'll get your wish and not exist. Only
you'll find out you were right and the world really is
better off without you. Though if you're lucky,
that'll be enough for you to want to come back into
Aries (March 21- April 19):
Around midnight Christmas
Eve you will realize they no matter how many times you
Checked, you forgot one person on your list. In a
rage they egg your house. You send your minions to
crush them so you do not make the same mistake next
Taurus (April 20th- May 20th):
Listen to the first
three ghosts but when the one who looks like he's
dressed up for the next World Discworld Convention
shows up, don't follow him.
Gemini (May 21st- June 20th):
You will get plastered
and fall asleep watching Football. When you awaken
somebody will have turned the channel over to "Rudolph
and Frosty's Christmas in July."
Cancer (June 21st- July 22nd):
You will find out that
yes, not only is there a Santa but he's the guy who
stole your car. Too bad about the diplomatic immunity.
Leo (July 23rd- August 22nd):
You have been very good
this year. Santa will bring you everything you asked
for and more. You may even need to ask for a new home
just to make room for all of your loot.
Libra (Sept. 23rd- October 22nd):
Upon delivering all
your presents, your heart will jump to three sizes too
big. You should have listened to your mother and laid
off the green eggs and ham.
Scorpio (Oct. 23rd- Nov. 21st):
You will wake very
disappointed this holiday season when you realize that
due to a spelling error on your wish list, you did not
receive the DVD you requested, but the make your own
Batman sweater kit "The Dark Knit."
* Editor's Note: Jesse Willey
Due to some errors on my computer beyond my control
a draft with the astrological sign Virgo was
accidentally sent off. Since the editor did not catch
this, I was not alerted until a reader pointed it out
me. Hopefully, a lack of the knowing what your
future, now the past, would hold did not mean you
caught an odd deceases usually only found in reindeer.
For those of you interested in this note anyway, the
prediction for Virgo was:
Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd):
That cup of yellow fluid your dad put in the cooler in the garage that
you gave to Santa wasn't filled with lemonade. That's
okay, that nice bowl he left for you wasn't filled